Tips & Truths About Travel Anxiety From a Frequent Traveler

I’m generally a pretty anxious person. There are mornings I wake up at the crack of dawn for no reason at all, feeling that heaviness in my chest that suggests I should be doing something other than spiraling about nothing at all.

As a people-pleaser in my professional and personal life, there’s an added layer of taking on the feelings and emotions of everyone around me, too. If you’re unhappy, I can’t be happy, and I get super anxious about it until we’re either happy or spiraling.

Those chaotic vibes don’t go away when I’m planning a trip somewhere.

In fact, they’re amplified.

Don’t get me wrong. Travel is my favorite. It brings me more joy than most things in life, especially when paired with good food, good wine, and bucket-listy excursions.

There is SO much about it that makes me uncomfy, though. Let’s get into it, whether to see if you relate or to dispel rumors that all travelers are happy travelers.

Before the Trip

There are always a few moments of excitement right after you book a trip you’ve been looking forward to, that signal good times are coming. For me, that low-level anxiety starts to kick in after the dust has settled, and it’s time to start digging into the logistics.

See more of what it’s like from start to finish in the clip below:

Will everything work out?

Well, will it? What if our flights are canceled? What if we miss our connection? What if the weather sucks the entire time?

What if we can’t get into the apartment we booked, or it doesn’t look anything like the pictures? What if our bedroom is facing a nightclub and I don’t sleep all night, which means I’m a complete bitch to everyone around me the following morning?

Now, with so much travel under our belts, we’ve pretty much seen it all. SO many things have gone wrong that you’d think I’d just chill out a little, but that’s just not the case.

It’s as if things going wrong have just given me more reason to feel anxious ahead of a trip, because I know something crappy happening is very possible.

A woman poses at the waterfront in Croatia.

Will my friends have a good time?

We’ve gotten lots of visitors during our time in France. We’ve mostly gotten the touristy stuff under control as far as showing first-timers around both our town and Paris. We love the kudos about how charming our town is and how delicious the treats are.

But at some point, the spiral starts.

What if they’re bored? What if they can’t find anything to eat at this restaurant? What if they hate this place I talked up? What if they’re tired of me saying, “Well, in France…”

I love hosting, but I’m always hyper-aware when we have visitors. I’m watching your energy levels, how effusive you are with your praise, and whether you’re fed.

OK, some of that is hyperbolic, but I really do want everyone who comes to see us to leave raving about how magical their trip was. Does that mean sometimes I’m so focused on their experience that I can’t enjoy my own? Sure.

Since we do the travel thing semi-professionally at this point, I feel there’s often the expectation that we just know best about every travel-related decision.

I mean, maybe with places we’re familiar with, that’s true, but there are so many more places we haven’t been.

Your guess is as good as mine whether that highly-rated brunch spot in the middle of nowhere is as good as the ratings say or a tourist trap spammed by paid reviews. (Oh, that’s a thing.)

Will my expectations be met?

I try not to do this anymore, but sometimes, I’m not strong enough to resist building high expectations about a place because I’m told repeatedly that I will LOVE IT.

I build the trip up in my head, and then, right before we leave, I start worrying about whether it’ll live up to the hype instead of being chill about forming my own opinion.

This happened with our trip to Prague. I was told by so many that it was just THE BEST. It was even on our short list of places we’d live abroad, sight unseen.

And then we got there, and it was fine. It felt more touristy than expected, even in the off-season, and overpriced. It certainly didn’t meet those “I want to move to here” standards I sometimes set about much-hyped destinations.

A weird sign in Prague: Eat Acid, See World

There’s also the subtle pressure to feel transformed by travel, although I’ve definitely gotten better about managing this. I no longer travel for those life-changing moments.

Sometimes the driving factor is as simple as seeing the place you’ve heard so much about, and that’s OK.

During the Trip

This is where I generally hit peak anxiousness. The trip is about the begin or has just begun, which means more can go wrong. Most of this comes from real mishaps we’ve experienced out in the world, although sometimes it’s just my intrusive thoughts.

Will I get there?

I don’t love flying, but there were a few years when it got pretty bad. It was after a pretty scary flight to Poland with my mom.

Note: I wrote all about that horror story on another post, so I won’t rehash it here.

While I haven’t let that experience keep me from flying, I do still get pretty nervous at take-off and landing, as that’s when most shit goes south. I guess I’ve given myself some exposure therapy over time, as the urge to see the world was just too great.

Now, I’m not trying to give anyone out there a complex about this, as seriously, I fly SO much. It’s just not my favorite part of the trip.

No, the journey does NOT matter more than the destination. Was that person high?

Will my stuff get there?

I know packing anxiety is a big deal for some people, but that’s one area where I’m generally OK. I no longer worry about forgetting the essentials because you can just buy them at your destination.

Living in Europe has meant we’ve gotten really good about traveling light, sometimes even with just a backpack, so I’m generally not feeling anxious about overpacking.

I do worry any time we have to check bags. It doesn’t happen often, as budget airlines want more money for checked bags, but sometimes it has to happen.

For example, perhaps you’re bringing wine with you because booze is super expensive where you’re going. That’s a real scenario that may happen.

A woman drinking wine and enjoying some cheese.

Anxiety over whether I’ll see my bags again comes from a real fear of lost or delayed luggage. It happened to us twice on back-to-back trips to Scandinavia. Our bags were eventually returned, but our trip was affected as a result.

It doesn’t help when airline staff are so relaxed about the idea of “most likely” getting your bags back to you at some point. It doesn’t help at all.

Do I have my passport?

While I’m not super stressed about packing lists, I am someone who worries about my documents. I couldn’t tell you how many times I check whether I have my passport on the way to the airport because the limit does not exist.

We’re generally pretty good about getting a handle on visas and vaccination rules, but I don’t see myself getting to a point where I’ll stop worrying about my passport.

We could move into an era of complete biometrics where they’re no longer needed, and I’d still pat my pockets 48 times an hour on the way to the airport.

And now, please take a look at some of our super cute wedding decor:

Did I get the right tickets?

This is less about airfare, although I may check our departure date a few times before the trip actually happens, and more about other stuff. It’s born out of a real situation we ran into on a trip to Pompeii from Rome.

We were at the ticket check at the archaeological site when I kept getting error messages on my phone at each scan. Finally, two workers came out to stop my fumbling, at which point they informed me that my tickets were for the wrong day.

I started sweating. It wouldn’t be the first time I mixed up the MM/DD vs. DD/MM thing in Europe. (I did it again on a repeat trip to Rome with my mom the following year.) I started apologizing to Brian, as this was a big deal, and they were at capacity that day.

That’s when I realized I was looking at the wrong tickets. We had tickets for Herculaneum, another ancient Roman town hit by the eruption of Mount Vesuvius, another day.

These were those tickets. I explained it to the workers, and they had their own eruption of “Mamma mia!” and cheers that I wish I had recorded.

So now I can add obsessively checking ticket dates, times, types, etc., to my list of travel anxieties.

How do I get through my list?

At some point during our trip, I start thinking about all the things we haven’t gotten to yet that I’ve pinned on my map app. Am I running out of time to do the things I wanted to do? Of course I am.

The list is always way too long, and I add things to do that look cute as we’re exploring a place, so this truly is an impossible task.

Somehow, this is even worse when we’re in a place for longer. Slow travel is supposed to be relaxing. For me, time built in to catch up on work, this, that, and the other thing, leaves me feeling like I should make the most of those rest days, too.

Are we going to be late?

I HATE being late. I hate the idea of it, I hate running late, and I hate feeling like I’m going to be judged or miss out on something because I arrive at the wrong time.

Travel is basically one big invitation to be late. There are flights to catch, trains that leave without you, check-in windows, and timed museum tickets.

Dinner reservations are the worst. I make reservations to feel less stressed in the moment, but then I have trouble enjoying the thing before our reservation because I’m worried about getting there on time.

Even when we’re early, I’m still anxious. What if we encounter a public transit strike?

Fun fact: This has happened to us in France and Italy multiple times, so it’s a real fear.

Should I eat that?

Eating is one of my favorite things about travel. I want to try all of the things, and feel a deep FOMO over missing even a single pastry, a single local specialty, and trying all of the things. I also don’t want to overindulge.

You see, I grew up in a house where I didn’t learn the healthiest approaches to food. It was love but also shame, a tool to come together and a tool for judgment.

In travel, this translates to a fun dance. I’m torn between wanting to taste everything and that internal monologue of whether I’ll regret the thing later.

As I get older, I tend to fight back against this more, with a resounding, “Hellloooo! This is why I travel,” but it’s been a process. I want travel to be as much about experiencing food as it is about learning how to balance all of these nuances about myself.

A woman gets ready to eat lots of tasty food.

I also need to make sure Brian is fed every few hours to keep the hanger at bay, but that’s generally less stressful than what I’m dealing with over here.

Where are the keys?

This is related to hotel keys and the keys to our own apartment. I usually let Brian hold onto them, but that doesn’t stop me from asking him at least once whether they’re on his person before I shut the door behind me.

I know exactly where this anxiety comes from. When we lived in San Diego, there was a night when I let the door shut behind us at our apartment with the keys safely inside. We had to call an after-hours locksmith to get us in.

Fun fact: Busy Bees Locks & Keys in San Diego saved me that night, just in case you need a contact.

Years later, a friend of ours dropped their keys down an elevator shaft, and that was a new fear unlocked.

Just check that you have the keys for me, OK?

After the Trip

We travel a lot. If we spend a month at our home base without going somewhere, that’s more of a shock these days than a regular occurrence. That means I’m in a heightened state more often than not, pretty much.

Where should we go next?

Sometimes I’m planning the next one while I’m still on the first one, which Brian doesn’t love. I’ll admit it takes me out of the present moment, which does suck. (I don’t say it much, but you’re right, Brian.)

A couple poses in the desert at sunrise.

What did I miss?

There’s always something, even a few things, that I wish we did in a place. I’ve mentioned that my list of things to see and do is always impossibly long.

I tell myself we’ll just go back to that place we just left, but then I start thinking about the places I haven’t seen yet, and get anxious about that.

Did everyone else have a good time?

Whether I’m traveling with friends, family, or Brian, I’m always looking for validation that the trip we just went on was a good one. Is it something they’ll return to with fond memories, or will I never hear from them again?

Brian has no choice in the matter. He’s stuck as my permanent travel buddy, no matter how bad it gets out there. I have terrible navigation skills, first of all.

Dealing With Pre-Trip Anxiety

It’s obvious I don’t manage travel anxiety all that well, but I’ve read quite a bit about getting a handle on some of the things that bug me. Some of these tips I’ve applied to my own life, and some I’ve honestly just been like, “Let it riiiiiide!”

Anyway, here are some tips that might help you, even if I’m too lazy to try them myself:

Make a checklist. Write down everything you need to pack and do before leaving on your trip so it’s not spinning in your head at 3am. I do some of this, especially around packing. Maybe that’s why that task doesn’t give me anxiety. Hey, it works!
Build in buffers. Add extra time for things that stress you out, like getting to the airport and catching trains. Avoid tight connections as much as you can. Those have burned me many times, and basically, airlines don’t know shit about connections.
Pack your comfort items. Bring stuff that you know keeps you calm in dicey situations. That can include headphones, hydration, or a good book for long air travel. Pack some snacks if you’re the hangry sort.
Practice worst-case scenarios. I’m not saying you should imagine everything that could go wrong and fall down a doom spiral. But it could help to remind yourself what you’d actually do if a flight gets canceled or a bag gets lost.
Try visualization. If your anxiety is based on a fear of certain steps related to travel, picture yourself getting through security, boarding your flight, and arriving safely. I hear this is popular among relaxation techniques for phobias, too.
Lower the bar for “perfect.” Not every trip has to be Instagram-worthy or life-changing. Some of them suck. Some come with funny stories that you may not appreciate until after the fact. You’re getting out there, and that’s awesome.
Limit information overload. Stop doom-scrolling travel horror stories a few days before you leave. Stop fixating on the three negative reviews of an experience that you booked months ago. It’s not good for your brain health.

Most importantly, don’t let your issues keep you from seeing the world.

Note: I’m not talking about health conditions like generalized anxiety disorders that’d benefit from the help of a mental health professional. For the record, addressing those is super important, whether that’s through talking it out, cognitive behavioral therapy, or even pharmaceuticals for physical symptoms. Do what you need to do!

I’m talking about low-level anxiety that so many of us deal with on a daily basis. Seriously, the reason I even put this together today was because I woke up awash in bad vibes, despite like, nothing super stressful on the horizon. We’re all working on it.

Travel anxiety doesn’t make you a bad traveler.

I mean, would you call me a bad traveler? Don’t answer that.

It just means you care about what happens on your trip. Feel your feelings, but don’t let them stop you from doing the thing because it’s out of your comfort zone.

I want to say that some of the best travel memories we have are when things didn’t go according to plan, but I’d be lying.

Navigating lost luggage sucks. Delayed flights and trains don’t build character. They’re just annoying and shorten your trip.

I’ve never met an interesting stranger as a result, by the way. (I’ve seen this scenario play out a few times on other blogs, but I guess we’re both just too introverted.)

What you should do is give yourself permission to feel nervous, but also permission to have fun. Even when it’s awful, the world is still worth exploring. And if things go really badly, the next one will probably be better. Maybe.

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