Updated November 10, 2022
Puns are funny.
No matter how much you groan after hearing one, they still make me chuckle, and you’re a monster if they don’t do the same for you. Wine puns are even funnier, at least in my opinion, as they combine my love of puns with my love of wine.
Funny wine puns are basically the perfect combination.
Add a cheese board in there and minds will be blown.
Check out my favorite bad wine puns that I sacrificed my time to find for you below. I hope they bring a smile to your face. If they don’t, have a glass of wine and try again.
They’re funnier now, right?
I’ve also included related wine gifts for the wine lover who has everything, or for you to purchase after you’ve had some wine…because everyone needs more wine puns in their lives.
Disclosure: Please note that some of the links below may be affiliate links, including links through the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. At no additional cost to you, I earn a commission if you make a purchase. I won’t recommend something I have not used/would not use myself, and any income earned supports the upkeep of this site.
The Best “Bad” Wine Puns to Make You Pop a Cork
Let’s get on with it, shall we? Here are my favorite wine puns in no particular order, as how the heck would I rank these anyway?
They’re all awesome.
You had me at merlot.
My favorite lines from Jerry Maguire typically relate to all things Jonathan Lipnicki, as I’ve followed him from child actor to smoke show. This play on the movie’s iconic line, “You had me at hello,” makes red wine all kinds of romantic, though.
Fun fact: A superior Tom, Tom Hanks, was originally slated to play the title role. Delays in the script made him too old to play Jerry by the time shooting began.
Also, I imagine Tom Cruise pulling this out of his library of merlot puns while swirling a glass of a bold merlot, plotting who his next wife will be for his move to the planet Xemu.
Cabernet? More like, caber-yay!
This wine pun is a good response to the following: “Do you like Cabernet?”
When it comes to red wine, there is nary a grape I won’t agree to drink. You could say I’m a wine-yes, rather than a wino, when it comes to red wines.
I snuck another one in there for you, and you barely noticed, I bet.
In any case, red wine puns are the most delicious.
It’s my party and I’ll wine if I want to.
You’re at your bachelorette party, YOUR party, and your girlfriends are being super dramatic about how sloppy you’re getting. You would wine too if it happened to you…but there’s no reason to be all sour grapes on a vine about it for long.
I can’t stop myself.
Check out this tee that encapsulates all of those feelings.
It means more wine for the rest of your days. It’s a problem-free philosophy, until the next morning.
What? I like good wine jokes.
At that point, things might be looking a little bit less positive. Fear not. It’s the circle of wine drinking, and this too shall pass.
You’re going to see a few tees here, because I love them. And this novelty tee from WindSongByGaffney says what you want to say without you actually verbalizing anything. That’s pretty sweet for introverts.
Sip me baby, one more time./Hit me baby, one more wine.
Do you smell that? It’s the cheese coming off these wine puns.
These are really dumb. I get it.
I love Britney Spears, though, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Note: I’ve been to more Britney Spears concerts than I can count, most recently to check out her Las Vegas residency. I’m serious when I say don’t go there with your judgement.
I included both variations here, although I’m partial to the “one more wine.”
Yes way, rosé.
So, my dog’s name is Kimmy Kibbler. Obviously, I feel a deep connection to Full House, particularly her namesake Kimmy Gibbler.
This one may not be among the most clever wine puns, but it’s good for when your friends are telling you it’s time to go home, or as a response to what your glass of rosé is saying to you.
In that second scenario, listen to your friends and go home already.
When the wine is talking to you, e.g. “C’mon, Susan, call Tommy. He was just kidding when he said he needed some space,” it’s time to call it a night.
Let’s get fizzical. Pass the Prosecco.
This gem amongst the Prosecco puns sounds like something I’d say after having too many bubbles, or whatever glass of bubbly delights I’m enjoying at any given moment.
Everything happens for a riesling.
This one’s a stretch, but sometimes there’s just no way to riesling with people. Whoops. I just can’t stop once I’ve started. It’s a real problem.
If you’d like to brag on your deep thoughts at your next run to the grocery store, pick up this punny reusable tote.
Time to wine down.
Drinking wine can be quite relaxing. Rather than wind down after a long day at wherever it is you had a long day at, wine down with a glass or three of some of your best cheap grocery store wine.
If you want to seem extra alluring to the significant other in your home, or if you live alone and want to be all, “Who’s that hot girl over there with the wine,” put on some wine-themed loungewear and all of a sudden things could get more interesting.
You bet shiraz I do!
This one’s the perfect response to, “Would you like more wine?” Bonus points for everyone if you’re all drinking shiraz. I’d probably plan it that way just so that I can use this one.
It’s wine o’clock.
This one is an oldie but a goodie, appropriate for all terrific wine times. There’s no actual time constraints on wine o’clock, as it’s always the perfect time for wine…or happy hour somewhere, if you want to go there.
I also like tapping my imaginary wrist watch when throwing this one out there.
I’ll be there in a Prosecco!
You’re in a rush and you’re late for terrific wine times with the ladies. Toss one of these onto the group text and all will be forgiven…or the first round will be on you because you sent everyone a wine pun.
Either way, everyone will love you just a little bit more for it.
Que syrah, syrah!
This one’s perfect for when you’re eating a plate of spaghetti at some moderately-priced Italian eatery and pairing that with the house syrah.
Sure, you’ve eaten a week’s allotment of carbs in one evening, but whatever will be, will be.
So raise that glass and order that cannoli. Wine not?
Are you hosting friends for a wine tasting? These coasters are it.
I make pour decisions.
This one can be used more generally in any heavy drinking situation, but it displays some excellent pun use.
It’s way better than that bar I lived near that missed an opportunity for a similar pun. Why are you the Poor House when you could be the POUR House?!? I was disappointed by that missed opportunity every time I walked the dog.
Will you accept this rosé?
This is a good one for all of your Bachelor/Bachelorette viewing parties, especially as you pour your pal another glass of the pink stuff. If they know what’s good for them, they will accept said rosé.
Oh, you’re too cool for reality TV?
I’ll have you know it serves a purpose: to make me feel better about my own life choices. As for you, your whining is not welcome here. Only wining is welcome here.
You can’t sip with us.
This one works well after you and your girls have thrown back a few and Jenny has brought up her ex-boyfriend for the umpteenth time. You can play off your annoyance by saying, “What? It’s just Mean Girls, Jenny,” when she inevitably gets offended by your ridiculous comment.
Fun fact: Amanda Seyfried is iconic as Karen. Can you imagine her as Regina, though? That was the role she was initially up for.
Please understand that if you get a bit too saucy when drinking wine with the ladies, the truth can come out in a variety of ways.
As we all know, the truth hurts.
Do you know the way to cabernet?
This is a play on the Dionne Warwick classic, Do You Know the Way to San Jose. The song’s basically about disparaging traffic in Los Angeles for the wide open spaces (I guess?) of San Jose.
Drawing a blanc?
It’s OK, youngin’.
In any case, I’ll drink to that. Thank you, wine pun.
This one’s a tart one.
It’s more polite than saying sh*t happens, and a good retort to someone saying that maybe this should be your last glass. Throw it out there right before you take another aggressive sip, staring down that naysayer.
If you’d like a retort to your MAGA-wearing Uncle Boomer, check out these distressed caps.
Another glass? Wine not!?
This is a favorite on various embroidered items at gift shops, particularly when you’re scoping out vineyard/winery puns.
It’s most hilarious when you shouldn’t have another glass, especially if you say it real loud and present your Crate & Barrel stemware to your pouring friend as if it’s a royal chalice. Use some of my favorite wine descriptions while you’re at it.
They’ll have a laugh, you’ll have a laugh, and then you’ll all have hangovers in the morning. In the moment, though, it’s hilarious.
Note: I’m not telling anyone here to binge drink. Drink responsibly and all that jazz. It’s all in good fun.
If you’d like a wine glass to that effect, check out this stemless option.
Rise and wine.
I envision this one working really on a bachelorette party weekend, especially proclaimed at the top of your lungs the morning after a bender.
“RISE AND WINE!” you yell at all those groggy ladies.
It works, right?
Love the wine you’re with.
This one’s just so pure because if you can’t be with the one that you love, love the wine you’re with. It’ll get better soon because you’ll be wine-drunk.
Does this one speak to you? Put it up on the wall!
I’m on cloud wine.
You know the feeling. You meet someone that makes your heart all aflutter. You’ve got a big-time crush.
Then they ghost you, steal your identity, and max out your credit cards on gasoline and Home Depot goods. That’s where your true soul mate, wine, comes in. So it goes on cloud wine.
You will never be hoodwinked again.
I’m all about a good coaster, and these faux leather cuties are adorable and affordable.
Where there’s a wine, there’s a way.
The wineries are closing up shop, but you want to keep this party going with a nightcap somewhere. Janet, however, wants to get some rest so she’s refreshed for the next morning.
Pull out this gem and you’ll at least get your fun friend to stay out with you, if not Janet, for another round. Janet’s always been the responsible one.
It isn’t good to keep things bottled up.
I can see this wine pun used in a series of Instagram wine captions, in a variety of ways.
Try not to use this one when you’re dealing with a friend’s real problems, unless they’d appreciate a light chuckle in their moment of hardship. In that case, pull this beauty out as you’re popping the cork.
I’m dreaming of a wine Christmas.
You know you’ve seen this one around the holidays. It’s the best of the Christmas wine puns, so I had to include it. Also, when spending time with family, wine makes everything better.
I’m mostly joking. I love my family.
More Really Grape Wine Puns
Are you not entertained yet??
I feel a little sad for you.
Here are a few more hits!
- I’m feeling really grape!
- Back that glass up.
- All for wine and wine for all.
- Great minds drink alike.
- It’s going to be a wine-derful day.
- We’re partners in wine.
- You’re wine in a million.
- Say you’ll be wine.
- We’re ferment to be together.
- Sip, sip, hooray!
- All for wine, and wine for all.
- Riesling and shine!
- Why have less scato when you can have mo’scato?
- I have my rieslings.
- It’s partly cloudy with a chance of wine.
- You’re the wine that I want.
- How merlot can you go?
- I’m feeling vine and dandy.
- Sip back and relax.
- Read between the wines.
Wine Gifts That Are More Funny Than Punny
As I was searching for wine gifts related to the puns I was so generously providing you with to make your next wine party more intriguing, I found some gems that I could not look away from.
They may be sitting in my Etsy cart right now, waiting for a moment of sobriety.
Show off your love for Moira and wine.
Moira’s commercial for the Herb Ertlinger Winery is one of the funniest scenes in not only Schitt’s Creek, but in television. Immortalize that sh*t on this incredible wine tumbler. I covet this.
Herb Erfling … ger. Burt Herngeif. Irv Herb-blinger.
That shark song does lead people to drink.
Who doesn’t love a vintage wine coaster?
I love a good coaster, and these are perfect for a gathering of like-minded ladies who could give a hoot about limits imposed on them. Yes, I got a little bit feminist on you there.
Meet your new gym hoodie.
It comes in a variety of styles if you’re not into hoodies. I want ’em all.
Where are you putting all of those bottles?
Disregard this if you’re fancy and have your own wine fridge. Perhaps you’re really fancy and have your own cellar. In that case, can I come over?
If you’re like the rest of us, a cute wine holder is clutch for any kitchen decor. I like a good wine rack that offers some intrigue and doubles as wall art. This one is classy, budget-friendly, doesn’t take up much space, and keeps wines in a better position than my last one.
I was keeping them upside down, and for that I apologize.
This may be problematic, but awesome at the same time.
Here is a purse that truly carries its own weight. That weight comes in the form of two wine bottles. I have no more words.
The wine bag comes in several different colors, depending on your mood. Chardi girls will like the cream version.
Do you feel like you could do better? Did I miss any delectable wine puns? Share your puns about wine, even wine jokes, in the comments!
Photo credits: Kelsey Knight (1)
Ready To Go To Wine Country?
Your Flight: I use a variety of tools to find cheap airfare to wine country, but if you’re looking to book during a particular period of time, especially during busy times (e.g. school breaks), you should use Skyscanner.
It’s a great tool for when you’re more flexible, too, as it allows you to compare travel based on length of travel, departure date, etc.
Your Accommodations: We typically use Booking.com and then compare with Hotels.com for our accommodation needs. Both offer more apartment-style options for those times when you’re traveling with a group for those terrific wine times.
Vrbo has become our go-to Airbnb alternative these days. They’ll have great listings if you’re looking to hit up wine country in a big group!
Seeking even more wallet-friendly accommodations? Try Hostelworld. Their picks are heavily vetted and reviewed to offer you a safe experience on a budget.
Etc.: If you can’t decide between Sonoma or Napa, I’ve done some research for you in a post on that topic. For general travel goodies, visit my Favorite Things page. For more information on planning your travel, visit my Travel Tools page.
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Looking for More Wine Content?
- A Complete Guide to Oregon Wine Country
- Things to Do in Sonoma (Outside of Drinking Wine)
- A Guide to Sonoma on a Budget
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