Flying can already feel like Herculean task, what with the nickel-and-diming at every turn, delays and cancellations, and what always seems like incessant farting.
Add an interesting (that’s being polite) cast of characters inside that aluminum tube in the sky, and things can become downright wild.
We fly A LOT, which means we’ve seen a lot up there. When it comes to the types of airplane passengers we encounter or try to avoid, some trends begin to emerge. Here are a few that we’ve seen while flying the friendly (sometimes) skies.
The Group Travelers
I’m lucky enough to have been on a few school trips to Europe back when I was in high school. (Can you spot me in the photo above? It’s like Waldo, but even nerdier.)
They were the kinds of trips where you ride a giant bus around the major sites while subsisting on pasta with red sauce.
I was probably obnoxious back then, although I don’t remember behaving badly on the flight over. Maybe I did. The last few years have broken my brain, and I remember precious little about anything before 2010.
Chaperones, this one is for you. If you’re leading a group on their first trip abroad, some prep around airplane etiquette is a must.
That includes letting them know that they should not, in fact, attempt to lead the plane in Christian rock ballads when we’re in international airspace. That’s a hostage situation, not a fun sing-along.
The Business Traveler
These guys and gals are usually in business or first, but they may have to ride in steerage with us if they’re lower on the totem pole at their place of business. They’re generally traveling alone with minimal luggage and seeking quiet work time.
Other than the keyboard tapping over the course of their flight, they’re generally nice to sit next to, especially if you’re as introverted as we are.
The Aisle Blocker
They’re already a problem before they even get to their seat because they take boarding as a suggestion. This is their time to search their carry-on for things they may need throughout the flight, blocking everyone else from moving down the row.
As soon as the plane takes off, they take the seatbelt sign as a suggestion and are back in that bin, searching for something they forgot during their first round.
These are often the same people who sigh impatiently if they’re caught behind the refreshments cart for anything beyond 10 seconds.
The Overhead Bin Queen
This doesn’t have to be a woman, by the way. The royal moniker is more a nod to the entitlement one must feel to assume they own the bin above their heads. Somehow, you snuck on a roller that is definitely larger than what’s generally allowed.
You also have an oversized backpack, a bag of airport duty-free items, a purse, and a puffy jacket. All of these get shoved into the bin space above with no regard for everyone else in your row.
I’m not talking to the folks who only travel with a backpack, something that could fit at their feet. If that’s all you have, I’m not getting mad at you for packing it in the bin.
If your giant roller is already sideways up there, though, it’s the right move to wait until everyone is seated before the blankets, your fall vest, and your stash of Combos join it.
The Backpacker
These are generally frequent flyers, or at least frequent travelers. They may be plotting out their itinerary for the destination in the air or consulting maps for their next multi-day hike.
They could also be zonked out before the flight even takes off. (They’re tired from their last round of hostel stays.)
These passengers are usually harmless unless it’s been a while since they showered. I’m not including this in the list, but there’s something to be said about not being known as “the smelly one” on the airplane.
The Chatty One
I like to shut these kinds of folks down immediately by putting on my headphones for my first round of emotionally manipulative movies on the seatback screens. Nevertheless, they persist.
I’m an introvert, people. If I want to talk to you, you’ll know. If I’m flying, especially solo, I just want to protect my peace, space, and sanity. I don’t love small talk with strangers, and I don’t like to feel like a bad person because I don’t feel like chatting.
Maybe you’re lonely and want company. I just…don’t care? We’re here for 10 hours, lady, and Ryan Gosling is waiting. (I just assume he’s in something in the movie selection, and it’ll probably make me cry.)
The Honeymooners
You’ll know they’re on their honeymoon because they’ll tell you. The hope is that you’ll make drinks magically appear at their seat, although flight attendants are generally nice enough to get honeymooners a round.
They may also be very handsy, in which case I hope they have their own row. Place your hands where I can see ‘em!
The Loud Talker
This can apply to the guy who insists on finishing his phone call as the plane is taking off and the yappers who don’t quit for the entirety of a flight. At the very least, turning the volume down when the lights go off would be a cool move.
Maybe your seatmate is psyched to hear about your work dramas and your aunt’s case of gout, but the rest of the plane doesn’t need to be an audience.
The Seat Kicker
While these are usually children fueled by sugar and a thirst for violence, sometimes it’s an adult with a thirst for vengeance. Maybe they’re having a bad day and taking it out on your poor seat. Maybe they misinterpreted your RBF as directed at them.
Fun fact: It’s just my face, with a bonus of wrinkle control on the side.
Whatever it is, they’re treating the back of your seat as their personal drum kit or giving it a good shove every time you try to doze off. Sometimes it follows a move I know is divisive for some reason: the recline.
The Recliner
You paid for a seat that reclines. You can exercise that right. I said it. This isn’t a post that’s going to say otherwise, no matter what you think about how little space there is on airplanes.
Note: Airplane seats have generally gotten smaller since the early 2000s. On average, seat pitch, or legroom, has shrunk from 34 inches to about 30 inches, and seat width from 18 to around 17 inches. You can blame airlines for that, not the person reclining.
That all said, there are ways to recline responsibly. You should not, for example, recline as soon as the wheels leave the ground. Wait until the plane is at cruising altitude. That’s the policy for air travel anyway, but it’s rarely enforced.
It’s always nice to look behind you before you recline, to make sure you won’t be crushing any laptops or knees. You should also bring your seat back up at meals and follow instructions to return your seat to its upright position at landing.
If someone asks you not to recline your seat, that’s your prerogative. I’m likely too awkward and compliant to decline a request like that, but again, it’s your right.
The Seatback Grabber
I know it’s tight in there, but I know you don’t have to two-hand my seat to get out of your row. If you do need the leverage, does it have to be quite so aggressive? You nearly knocked the headphones off my face.
The Armrest Hog
If you’re in the middle, you get both armrests. That’s the one tiny perk of sitting there, as it generally sucks. If you’re on the aisle and hogging both, you will face a sharp rebuke from me in the form of passive aggressive elbow wars that will not end in your favor.
The Luxury Traveler
Brian and I have been on one first-class flight together. It was a really long one, too, a 12-hour leg from Warsaw to Chicago on LOT Polish Airlines.
I was really excited, as it’s just not something we do EVER, and it was booked as part of the airline’s lottery system when seats are undersold.
Fun fact: I’m not sure how it works on other airlines as it’s not something we do often, but on LOT, you can bid up to a certain amount in case first-class seats are available. You only pay if your bid is accepted.
Now, because we were bidding for seats, we didn’t have much of a say as to where those seats would be. As a result, we weren’t seated together. Brian got seated next to a cute dog. I got seated next to a saucy Slovenian woman who ONLY flew business or first.
After a quick remark to Brian about how charmed I was by my pre-flight amuse-bouche, she turned to me and said, “I hope you two aren’t going to be doing that the whole flight. That would be annoying.”
Bubble burst, I reverted to my usual flight mode and threw on my headphones to sit in silence for the rest of the flight. She understood in that moment that the vibe was off and tried chatting me up a few times over the next 12 hours, but the damage was done.
She showed her ass, and it was entitled and rude. If you find yourself in the fancy part of the plane, whether it’s thanks to epic points hoarding or simply what you like to do, I hope you have a little more perspective.
The Overwhelmed Parent
Oh, I hate the sound of crying babies as much as the next guy. I see one crying in the terminal, and I send a call up to every deity I can think of that I won’t be seated near them.
I’m also enough of a human that I get that flying with an infant is hard. Flying with older kids can be tough, too, so I try to give parents some grace if a kid is acting out. I don’t know if they have special needs. Maybe they’re an anxious flyer like me.
If the parent has dead eyes but it’s obvious they’re doing the best they can, I give ‘em a little salute for our mutual suffering. Yep. It’ll be a long flight for us all.
The Absent Parent
If you’re wearing headphones while your baby screams in the bassinet in front of you because you’re as over it as we are, that’s just not something I’m feeling sympathy over.
If you’re allowing your child to sing the only part of “Old MacDonald Had A Farm” they know for six hours — it’s the E-I-E-I-O part, by the way — you’re not doing a great job.
Leaving a mess of Goldfish crackers, juice boxes, and gummy bears at your feet because your toddler wanted a nosh is not cool. Were you raised in a barn?
Are you raising your child in a barn, or one of those bars where you can throw the peanut shells on the ground?
The Anxious Traveler
This is me, especially at takeoff and landing, but I wasn’t always this way. I had a really bad flight with my mom on our first trip to Poland, and ever since then, I’ve been a nervous flyer.
READ MORE: I wrote all about it, so won’t rehash it here. I still didn’t clap.
Be gentle with us if we seem a little restless over the course of a flight. If you notice that we’re about to load up Flight on the in-flight entertainment, maybe give us a little tap on the arm.
The Influencer
I’m sorry. Travel bloggers and content creators can be annoying sometimes, especially if they’re creating content with passengers as unwitting, even unwilling, participants. It’s even worse when they get upset if a passenger gets upset that they’re being filmed.
I’m all about shaming people for bad, bigoted, racist behavior on airplanes, but this isn’t that. This is the tell-tale “Hey guys” vlog intro that suggests you’re about to get treated to some content creation when you’re just trying to get your Ryan Gosling on.
If there’s a ring light involved, I’m calling security.
The Sleeper
Unless they’re immovable as I try to contort myself around their slumbering body to get out of the row, this is one of the best types of passengers to be near. Sleep away, sweet prince/princess.
I envy your ability to pass out with those crunchy bags of stale sandwiches being passed around and that chatty gal two rows in front of you.
Note: The exception here is if they turn into some kind of sleeping octopus that falls asleep instantly and sprawls, arms in your lap, legs in the aisle, drool down the face.
You may know you’re seated next to one of these if they’re already wearing their neck pillow as an accessory before they’ve even sat down. They are ready to get comfy and cozy.
If you’re going to throw those shoes off before you cocoon yourself, can you make sure the feet aren’t smelling foul, though? Thanks.
The Yogi
You need to move around when you’re on a long-haul flight. That can look like seat stretches, regular strolls to the bathroom, and a leg stretch break while you wait for the lav. Deep vein thrombosis (DVT) is no joke.
That does not look like full-on yoga in the middle of the aisle. First of all, I can see inside your soul during that downward dog, and it isn’t as zen as you think it is. Second, the drink cart is coming for service my way, and I am PARCHED.
The Seat Chef
These people are too good for in-flight eating, or maybe their dietary restrictions are bad enough that they can’t eat whatever they’re serving, even though it’s free. That’s all fine. I’m not going to pretend to love airplane food.
What isn’t fine is if your chosen meal is a tuna sandwich that has been sitting in its own juices, aromas permeating its plastic film. Honestly, McDonald’s fries tend to smell like farts in the air, too.
If you must bring food onto the aircraft, make sure that it’s as inoffensive as possible in terms of the smells emanating from your snack or meal. Think a nice salad sans the hard-boiled eggs or a ham sandwich, no onions. Trail mix is always a great idea, too.
The Clapper
They clap when the plane lands as if we just avoided tragedy. I like to give the pilot a little “Merci” if they’re standing at the exit, but if the bar is not dying, that’s a low bar!
I suppose there has been a lot more coverage of wrecks and near-misses in the media lately. Maybe this one isn’t so bad? If you’re clapping as a relief or gratitude response following a bumpy ride or tricky landing, I’ll allow it. Clap on. Otherwise, clap off.
The Gate Sprinter
We’ve all been there. You booked a flight with what you thought was a decent connection time, and the flight at your origin point left late.
Maybe you booked a flight with a connection time that was cutting it close already, and your plane just insists on dicking around on the tarmac, cutting into that buffer.
Your predicament suddenly turns into everyone else’s problem as soon as the plane touches down.
I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but we’ve all been there. It sucks. Sometimes it helps to talk to the crew about keeping everyone seated so connections can get through, but it’s really unlikely that you’re the only one with a connection.
There are ways to position yourself better for next time. Purchase a seat closer to the front of the aircraft. Give yourself even MORE time in between flights. Be less of an asshole as you’re trying to get off the plane. All of that works.
The Jerk
I didn’t want to put an expletive in a header, but you know the type. They’re loud and entitled. They like to cause a scene. They had too much free wine and are now drunk and unruly.
They don’t like being told what to do, and dabble in all of the most annoying traits of the worst passengers on an airplane. Maybe they demand special treatment as if they’re not in economy, or they’re loud about making offensive comments about other passengers.
They’re rude to crew or create a hostile, uncomfortable environment with vile, even bigoted behavior. You’ve seen the videos.
Be the best you can be when you fly.
While some of these weren’t even that bad — I even find myself on this list — some of them are the types of passengers I’d only wish on my enemies. (I never got that line about not wishing something awful on your worst enemy. They’re the WORST! FAFO!)
It doesn’t take much to act right when you’re in the air. It doesn’t take much to treat the whole experience with a little respect. Your flight crew will thank you. Other passengers will thank you. I’ll thank you.
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